Try Not To Cry Laughing At These Ridiculous Absence Notes

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Too Much Information

They say the best defense is a good offense, and we definitely think that’s the strategy that this mom used in this tardy note. Continuing her rebellious streak from the previous note on this list, Mama Melton has decided to go full on and explain exactly why she was late dropping off her daughter. She explained that she was in such a rush that she forgot a very important element in dressing her youngest child!

First Names

We see this clever kid’s strategy. Unlike many of the other kids featured in this list, this particular child was smart enough to address the note to his parents using their first names (instead of the “Stephanie’s mom” or “Ray’s dad” that we’ve seen so commonly before.) While it was a good move, the childlike handwriting and spelling error in the word “school” make us realize that this isn’t exactly an authentic note coming straight from the child’s teacher.

Sealed With A Kiss

At first glance, you might know right away that the mother didn’t really sign this note. But judging by the amount of vanity license plates, mugs, and jewelry we see that say “MOMMY” on them, it’s not that hard to believe that an overly enthusiastic mother might sign a note this way. But what really gives away the fact that this is a fake is the small row of hearts unmistakably drawn by a child under the signature line.

Signed In Crayon

There’s nothing that creates a bit of fear in the gut of a young child than bringing home a sternly worded note about his bad behavior home to his mom. This clever boy, however, thought he would skirt the uncomfortable conversation and possible punishment from his mom by beating the system and signing the note himself. Unlike many others on the list, he actually knows his mom’s first name. But signing in crayon seems to be what foiled his plan.

I Am For Real!!

This note has got to be one of the funniest ones on this list. The premise is a bit farfetched, to begin with – school will be canceled the entire week just so that Collin can stay home and play video games? However, it’s the afterthought – I am the teacher (spelled incorrectly) with two exclamation marks for emphasis that really cracks us up. Of course, there’s a great deal of other misspellings and major grammatical errors as well.

…Um, Who?

Sometimes, things are more important than school. Whether it’s missing class in order to watch a Presidential inauguration or rocket launch, we all find that there are times we need to be out of the classroom on a school day. However, one student has taken it a little too far and played hooky in order to meet her favorite artist, David Cook from the seventh season of American Idol. In the note, he seems as befuddled as us that she’s so enthusiastic.

Most Epic Excuse Note Ever

Stanwell School in Penarth, New South Wales, Australia, is firmly in the 21st century. The educational institution utilizes a tool which automatically texts parents’ cell phones when their children aren’t present for morning roll call. However, father Simon Morgan had enough of the system, and replied cheekily with this snap of his son to the automated message! It shows his son on a family vacation, standing on the beach in Dubai in front of the Burj Al Arab.

Like A Horror Movie

This has got to be the funniest excuse we’ve ever seen on a late note! One school forces students to take responsibility for their tardiness by making them fill out a form which clearly lays out why they were late to class. However, a student has taken the opportunity to heart and explained that they were afraid to go outside of their house because of a blanket of heavy fog that morning which reminded them of the horror movie Silent Hill.

Too Many Sick Days

Getting a note from a doctor is a surefire way to make sure your boss doesn’t penalize you for not showing up to the office. However, this doctor clearly had enough of this slacker employee’s antics. The employee must have been really out of it and didn’t even glance over what the physician wrote – if he had checked, we’re sure he wouldn’t have given it to his boss. The doctor basically wrote that this employee is a major faker!

My Girl Needed Me

Teachers have heard it all before – “I was sick,” “I had to go to the doctors, and that is why I was late,” “I forgot my bus money,” and so on. While these are all legitimate reasons, be it real or not, this guy went ahead to give a whole different reason. Explaining why he was absent the previous Wednesday, he explained he needed to attend to his girlfriend because “she wanted to talk.” However, he then goes on, giving details that his teacher perhaps shouldn’t know.

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But Zayn!

It is hard to get so attached to something, only for it to turn around and leave you heartbroken. This seems to be the case for the nine-year-old mentioned in this letter, who was left distraught following the news of Zayn Malik’s departure from One Direction. This was a tough day for many girls around the world and a perfectly valid reason as to why they should miss school. We can only imagine what they went through the day they heard One Direction were taking a break!

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This Is The President Of The United States Speaking

When Tyler did not show up to school for registration, his teacher was ready and waiting to see what excuse he had come up with this time. Out of all the reasons he thought Tyler was going to bring to him this time around, the least of all he was expecting was because he was spending time with the President of the United States. Tyler knew he was in for a grilling on his return back to school, so he had Barack Obama write the letter of absence himself.

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When Extra-Curricular Becomes Too Much

Appearing in the school play became all too much for this young student, and Gannon needed a way out. Of course, his parents were not going to help since they were the ones who signed him up in the first place. So, it was time for Gannon to take action himself and write his letter of absence. Of course, you cannot tell this letter has been written by a young student – the use of a highlighter and poor spelling wouldn’t suggest so…

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Bu My Dad’s The Mayor

When your father is the Major, you may get some special recognition. However, as should be the case from all teachers, it is important to treat all students at the same level. Chloe tried her luck anyway, using her dad’s title to work in her favor. Perhaps the biggest giveaway was when the letter asked that Chloe was given less homework because it was her birthday. Everyone knows no parent is lenient when it comes to their child doing their homework.

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Throwing Your Child Under The Bus

At least the teacher could enjoy this one. After all, they’ve probably seen plenty of excuses come to their desk, and only the special ones make it to their kept files. Parents can all understand the struggle when trying to rally the children, only for one to say they need the bathroom when they’re about to hit the road. That is why the parent gave the truth when it came to the reasoning behind his daughter’s lateness to school. Perhaps, they just went a little too overboard.

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He’s An American Idol

American Idol winner, David Cook, was ready to take the blame for this student’s absence, but not completely. It seems the die-hard fan had gone to meet the reality TV singer at the Edsa Shangri-La hotel when she heard he would be there. Fortunately, David Cook is appreciative of his fans and was willing to write exactly what she had told him to. Let’s hope her teacher was also a David Cook fan so could understand her need to miss school.

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…Simon Strikes Again

But this isn’t the only time parent Simon Morgan has made fun of the school’s robotic request for excuses. He’s made something of an art out of wittily replying to the system – saying in one text message that he and his son were currently stuck in a tree, and needed help. He also creatively said that a band of wild hippopotami were blocking the exit to his son’s room, keeping him from showing up to class. This dad is epically awesome.

That Time A Raccoon Bit Me

Perhaps when forging an absence note, less means more. Going into extensive detail, especially when it’s going a little overboard, probably won’t ever work in your favor. The teacher surely would have asked the student how they came in contact with a raccoon, or why they were near a raccoon in the first place. Then there are more questions to do with the raccoon’s crazy eyes, but the teacher probably would have got all her answers from the first two questions.

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You’re A Wizard

After a string of unexcused absences, a student was sent home with some serious paperwork for his mom to fill out on his behalf. The document is intended for the adult to understand how serious this lack of attendance in school has become. This parent decided to turn around the intention of the form and make light of the situation. She explained that her son missed so many days because he was attending Harry Potter’s alma mater.

Don’t Think Too Much

We’ve never seen a more relatable absence note. Instead of coming up with some medical mumbo-jumbo, this traditional healer simply wrote about the condition in a way that we 100% understand. The patient is suffering from a stress headache, and the cause is because he’s “thinking too much.” Basically, we’ve all been there. Sometimes you need a day to clear your head and forget about your problems, and that’s obviously what the patient needed to be “cured.”

Sign Of The Times

Here we have a crazy blast from the past. Back at the turn of the 20th century, only the elites attended school, and this note clearly reflects the cultural and societal standards of the time. This mother has the most Bourgeoisie excuse for her daughter’s tardiness that we’ve ever seen – she explains that at the moment, the family is without a housekeeper, so they are scrambling to make arrangements. Only back in 1900 would this be a valid excuse!

Dictation Practice

Ah, the no homework excuse note. There are countless variations on the classic: the dog ate my homework, it somehow got flushed down the toilet…and the list goes on. But we’ve never seen this inventive excuse before. Knowing the teacher will recognize that it’s her handwriting and not her mom’s, this clever student explained that her mom was dictating the note and simply asking her daughter to write it because apparently her mom “can’t write in English.” Points for creativity!

Dr. Who?

At first glance, this note appears to be a super legitimate document from Penn Medical. But one crafty employer had an eye for detail and noticed all the things wrong with this alleged sick note. First of all, the Penn Medical header is super low quality, indicating that it’s not authentic. Additionally, there are two different fonts used in the course of the note. Finally, a few spelling and grammatical errors make it clear this note is a phony.

Case O’ The Mondays

Sometimes parents get fed up with their children’s antics, but know that it’s better to play along than fight them outright. Of course, truancy is a real problem, and generally, parents are the ones on the hook if they don’t push their child into going to school. This was the last straw for John, who told Case he would write him one last, slightly misleading absence note before putting an end to Case’s whole scam, once and for all.

Mysterious Illness Indeed

It’s not easy for kids to copy their parents when writing sick notes, but it can be even harder when they’re forced to write it in English, despite it not being their first language. Even with the grammar mistakes, Mark was doing ok in his absence note, until he got to the reason for his absence. When he could not figure out how to spell his malady, he made a few attempts before ultimately deciding to leave his mistakes and also include a made up illness.

Time Of The Month

Wouldn’t we all like to skip out on class because it’s that time of the month? To be fair, when you find yourself in debilitating pain due to your innate biology, it can be hard to do anything more than curl up into a ball with plenty of chocolate, french fries, and ice cream within arms reach. Unfortunately, the world can’t stop just because of monthly pain, so it’s likely that this teacher did not accept her student’s excuse.

Series Of Unfortunate Events

Every now and again, a student shows up with an absence note that describes a series of mishaps, all legitimate, that just seem far too tragic to be true. In some cases, it is necessary for children to dictate notes for their parents if their English happens to be better, but it doesn’t make this long, sordid tale any easier to understand. For this unfortunate student, they not only had a death in the family, but then seemed to be in a motorcycle accident.

Notice Of Execution

When you know your handwriting isn’t quite up to snuff, it’s definitely a better idea to print a note out from the computer before sending it to the teacher in question. This student might have gotten away with his note had he not completely jumbled his plea for an excused absence. Instead, he recommends that the gym teacher “execute” him, which certainly seems like a needlessly harsh punishment for skipping out on physical education, despite it being near useless in most schools.

Tardy For Hygiene

It’s hard to blame our kids for wanting to keep up impeccable standards of hygiene, considering most of them would never go near a bath if we didn’t force them. Meanwhile, this mom, though exasperated by her daughter’s insistence on brushing her teeth not once, but twice, felt some pride that her daughter cared about keeping her teeth pristine. After the number of times it made them late, however, the mother just couldn’t help but be honest with her school about why.

Frog In His Throat

There are some illnesses that just take hold of both your body and your mind, leaving you incapable of forming coherent thoughts, even when they’re necessary for explaining your illness. Luckily for this guy, it seems his email to his boss was so clearly written outside of his usual state of mind that it seems likely he’ll be forgiven for his hazy ramblings. At the very least, he can’t be blamed for trying to work through whatever illness was clouding his mind.

Appeal To History

One of the best ways to get into a teacher’s good graces, besides going to class, is by demonstrating that you’ve otherwise learned something in the course of your studies. Michael Fenerty might not have wanted to show up to class, but at least in doing so, he showed that he had at least been paying attention to history class. Given that there’s no working time machine in existence at the moment, we’re not sure that Principal Brown will accept excuses from long-dead dictators.

Going Mad

For those who hail from South Africa, it can be nice that when employers force you to bring in a note from a medical professional, you often have the option of seeing a traditional healer for any of your ailments. While the note might seem unofficial, it’s clear from the very official stamp at the bottom that there’s nothing fake about this note. Sometimes it’s best to see healers when there’s something wrong in your soul that prevents you from going to work.

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

This note is on a slightly different level than the others. It appears to be from a sick student at home who actually genuinely misses her teacher and class. Despite her charming misspellings, it’s still clear that the message is one of pining and longing to be back in the classroom. She explains that she’s not used to being away from everyone, and is truly sick. Of course, this could also be reverse psychology and the kid is not sick at all.

The Doctor Is In

Some workplaces have draconian policies that require a signed doctor’s note in order to excuse an employee from missing work, even when it’s just one day of staying at home. One walk-in clinic doctor has had enough and let this employer know exactly what he thinks about this requirement. He holds nothing back, saying that it’s a waste of time, resources, and taxpayer money to force employees to go to the doctor for a note when they’re grown-ups.

Medical Condition

We like the next note because of its realistic use of a medical condition. Judging by several of the doctor’s notes seen earlier on this list, having a mysterious ailment is a perfect excuse for all sorts of bad behavior. However, we’ve definitely never heard of this particular disease before. This kid is claiming that she’s suffering from a malady in which doing homework “slowly kills her.” We feel that vibe, hard, but unfortunately it doesn’t seem to work.

Permission Slip

This message seems more like hieroglyphics to us than an intelligible message. We’re embarrassed to say how much time it took us to puzzle out the meaning of this note, but basically what we’ve gleaned is that this note is allegedly a parent granting permission for a child to take his PSP to school every day, and addressed to the child’s teacher. But from the handwriting, the scribbled out mistakes, and suspicious message, we think this is the work of the child.

Rebel Without A Cause

This mom has decided to use her tardy note for her daughter as an excuse to make a poetic statement. These almost seem like lines from a cult classic movie, or some sort of haiku or even a sonnet. However, our favorite part is the final statement that this mother wrote. She refers to her brood as almost like some ancient clan, and says that they’re “a little rebellious.” Maybe being 15 minutes late is her way of sticking it to the man?

Seems Legit

Nice try, Ray. He might have gotten away with it, too, if he had just remembered what his mom’s first name is.

You Almost Fooled Us

Another case of not knowing your own mother’s name has spoiled this young boy’s devious plans. I mean, there are a few misspellings and some issues with grammar, but overall, we feel that this note is pretty convincing. For example, “I am his mom and what I say goes” is a pretty legit mom saying, an adds a layer of realism to the note. But, this boy just straight up blew it at the end by not writing his mom’s legal name.

The Mayor Said So

There’s nothing more legit than having a letter excusing your absence from the head honcho of your city – in this case, the Mayor of Ottowa, Jim Watson, to give to your teacher after missing a day of school. It’s the kind of move that’s too bold to fake – there’s no way the teacher is actually going to contact the mayor of the city to make sure the note is legit. We also like the added request to lessen the homework load.

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