Hilarious Anti-Social Commuters Caught On Camera

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Subway For Dinner

Even though this woman was going to make dinner for a guy she was really into that night, her boss made her work late. With not enough time to spare, she did some of the prepping in the subway. When people shed tears due to the chopped onion, she had to stop.

Operation Smuggle Snuggles

On the Moscow subway, pets are strictly forbidden. This woman, though, needs to bring her cat between her and her ex-husband’s house, as their divorce papers specify that they have joint custody of Snuggles. To transport the kitty, she dons a Dick Tracy raincoat and stuffs Snuggles in there. You can tell from the suspicious and intense look on her face that she does not want to be photographed, as this picture could be used as evidence against her, and she could get her train pass revoked.

Brushing To Work

This morning, instead of doing her morning routine in the comfort of her own home, she decided to do it on the train. During the morning rush hour. Nobody looked twice when she started applying her makeup on the train. However, when it got to the oral hygiene portion of her daily routine, strangers looked on in disbelief. She even spit into her leather bag. Next time, just use mouthwash strips, or better yet, just wake up a bit earlier and do it all at home.

Coneheaded Fashion

It is hard to tell at first sight what this person might be thinking. He or she may have truly eccentric fashion (it is New York City, after all- it takes a lot to stand out), or perhaps this person is actually an alien, and need their blue tinted visor to protect themselves from the Earth’s yellow sun. The other option is that they are simply dressing as crazy as possible to make sure they do not have to share their seat.

Fiddle Me This

Every time this baby gets on the subway, she starts to shriek, much to the chagrin of the other passengers. This makes mom feel helpless, as she cannot seem to get her child to calm down, but she has no other transportation option. After trying and failing to quell the cries with her dog doll, a concerned citizen and boat captain took the opportunity to play the fiddle for the toddler. Suddenly, the child was rapt with attention and the tears dried up quickly.

Subway Maniac Incident

This man has always been an attention hog. Everywhere he goes, he wears loud colors, like the red pants pictured here. He saw a huge opportunity to get some eyeballs focused on him when some incidents, caused by the so-called “subway maniac,” occurred. The idea was simple: he would act crazy on the subway, and people might show him some attention. However, hanging upside down, even at the time when the subway maniac was on a rampage, is not enough to make New Yorkers look up.

Not So Smart Car

At first glance, this Smart Car owner looks like a complete moron. Why does one even buy a car if you are going to take it on the subway? However, if you think about it, it is actually nice. If the battery works, he has his own temperature control in there, and does not have to fear any mole people from the subway brushing up against him. Also, he can listen to his music on loud and nobody can complain. Perhaps he is smarter than we all would think.

Nevermore

This Edgar Allen Poe super-fan went as far as buying a black bird to match that from the famous poem “The Raven” by the dark lyricist. Although all the black clothes and makeup make it seem like this person simply does not care about anything, she has the raven on a blue leash, as the rules of public transport dictate. Perhaps underneath all the makeup, leather pants, and the dreary outlook, she is actually a stickler for the rules of society.

Casual Snack

It is rude to eat on the bus, as it can stink up the ride. If you are eating something like curry, it can get really bad. Another big issue is fast food french fries. Although to some it might smell good, to be forced to smell it on the bus can be overwhelming. This woman was yelled at once for eating fries on the bus. To fix this issue, she got a food that is relatively odorless- mayo. Still, the gross sight of this meal had people complain.

Split Clear Of The Closing Doors

This modern-day Robin Hood was out of money, but wanted to continue his expensive dance lessons. New York City’s high rent and food costs were not going to get in the way of his dream of dancing on Broadway. He took to the subways, and explained to passengers trying to get in and out of the train that he was taking donations from the rich (them) and giving to the poor (himself). Sadly, a modern-day Sheriff of Nottingham (an angry passenger) eventually pulled him off the train.

Neckbreaking Speed

This woman was visiting the big city for the first time and was not exactly sure where she was going. Between the confusing, arabesque subway map, and directions given to her by friends, she had no clue which at which stop to get off. When the bus stopped, her heart raced, and she wildly swiveled, looking for landmarks she recognized; she hopped on and off the bus quickly to look around for clues. One time, however, she was not quick enough, and got her head caught in the doors.

Knocked Out

This man looks like someone to be mocked. However, what you cannot see from this picture, is that this potbellied fellow is a winner. He just came from his local dive bar, where they have an eating competition that nobody has ever won before. He somehow ate two whole pies of pizza and two liters of beer in just fourteen and a half minutes. It is a miracle this guy even made it to the bus, and actually looks pretty good considering what he just ate and drank.

Taking The Morning Paper On The Train

Who needs friends when you have this crinkled, human-shaped, paper-mache disaster? Although people do strange stuff on the subway all the time, this has to be one of the saddest, as this guy had potential to be normal. Usually, when you see a person with homemade tattoos on their face and a lack of pants, you understand how they might be acting a bit crazy on the subway. However, this guy, who can afford a G-shock watch, could still turn it all around and be normal.

Head Of Lettuce

This person went to her job as a line chef at a midtown eatery, but they had run out of hairnets. Instead, she and her co-workers exploited a loophole in the law that almost anything that fully covers the head can be considered a usable hairnet. They pulled apart a head of lettuce, and put little yarmulkas of greenery on the top of their heads. The only thing was that the house salad was not available to customers on this particular day.

Video Game Addict

This guy cannot pass the time it takes for him to go back and forth between Astoria and the Lower East Side without playing video games. His mother thinks he has a video game addiction, and this subway setup is not helping his case. Either way, he is top of the leaderboard for some games, and so he is getting sponsorship offerings to travel to competitions in Korea. Soon enough, we will be seeing this guy on an Asia-bound plane with his Xbox in the aisle.

Classy Individual

This guy never thought he would be lumped in with other people who eat on the subway, as he thought of them as beneath him. After all, he always dressed in a tailored suit, and spent the time to make sure he was shaven and his hair was neat. However, when a scheduling issue left him with the choice of eating on the subway or going hungry, he gave in. To keep an air of superiority, he decided to be as civilized as possible by using a folding table.

Ghillie Seat

Although at first glance, this looks like a swamp monster from a 1950’s B horror movie, this is actually a sharp, capable individual. It turns out, this is a sniper-in-training in the elite Army Rangers unit. The commander of these trainees ordered them to don their ghillie suits, which are normally meant for camouflage in the field, wherever they go when they are off-base. If they are seen without them on by anyone, they will be booted from the program. This cadet isn’t taking any chances.

Good Vs. Evil

This confrontation would make geeks facepalm. The mixing of the Star Wars universe with DC’s Batman is a travesty. In a fight, though, Batman would have the upper hand as they are presumably in a Gotham subway. What is really happening is that two Times Square performers are arguing over who gets to stand in a coveted spot near the M&M store. Although the fight does not involve lightsabers or batarangs, it gets heated enough that some other passengers moved to the next train car.

Marking Territory

This woman just moved from Ohio to New York City for a new job. Although the city has its benefits, it certainly also has downsides. One of her biggest gripes is the lack of personal space- especially when it comes to public transportation. Instead of gambling, she decided to be sure she would have a personal bubble, simply by using an actual bubble. Actually, it is called a Hoberman sphere, which can retract into a small, purse-sized ball for easy carrying outside the subway.

The Odd Couple

When midterms of freshman year ended, this guy got on the Amtrak to go home to see his family for Thanksgiving. What he did not expect was his neighbor on the train would be getting so comfortable. The middle-aged fellow truly made himself comfortable with a full sized pillow, undershirt, and shorts hiked up higher than any young person would dream of hiking them up. The whole eight hours, the college student felt uncomfortable, but the thought of turkey and gravy kept him occupied.

Flava Flav?

When you get into a subway car and see this woman, you assume she must be a big fan of the rappers from Public Enemy, especially hype-man Flava Flav, who wears a clock on his chest, which honestly might be smaller than the behemoth timekeeper she has on her neck. In actuality, she is a strict luddite- meaning she does not use any modern gadgets. She proudly uses books instead of e-readers, (huge) clocks instead of phones, and does not have a computer.

Moving Day

This woman is moving apartments to save some money. She was already strapped for cash and she tried everything she could do get some dollars in her pocket. First, she had a garage sale, and made some cash off records she had by selling to some hipsters. However, it was not enough and eventually, she had to sell her car. When she found an apartment for half the price, she did not know how to move her stuff there except using the bus. The driver begrudgingly let her on.

Not Like That, You Won’t

When people talk about this guy, they always say he was so book smart. At his Ivy League college, he double-majored in French Literature and Physics. Whenever he had a problem, he headed to the library or bookstore to figure it out. However, he was never very street smart. He bought a 475-page book how-to book on running, but never actually laced up his sneakers and hit the pavement. Same issue here- his reading prevents him from talking to any women on the train.

Centaur Struggles

This guy put together his centaur costume for Halloween early enough that he would be in time for the costume contest. However, he did not expect that the metro would be so unkind to mythological beings. All the strength and agility of the horse legs were not designed to navigate turnstiles. Even the staff of the metro, seen on the left of the photo, look on in disbelief and curiosity, wondering how this half-man, half-horse is going to make it onto the downtown-bound train.

Plague Shmague

This underground worker has seen every form of hypochondria that there is, including non-medical professionals wearing surgical masks trying to keep healthy. However, he is sick of people trying not to get sick. Admittedly, though, he is impressed by these plague doctors, whose toucan beaks were supposed to protect them from getting the plague (or whatever disease). Classically, inside the beak, there was usually lavender, to keep the doctor smelling nice odors. Even if the beak doesn’t block germs, a nice smell is something needed in the subway.

Riding The Bus, Literally

This guy got into a terrible fight with another passenger on the bus who took his seat. He was terribly overburdened with shopping bags, and when someone stole the seat he was eyeing, he got angry. Long story short, he is banned from using public transportation. This did not stop him, though. First, he tried wearing disguises but was quickly recognized. Determined to use the bus, he now simply clings onto the back of the vehicle, and gets free (but unncomfortable) rides around the city.

Make Your Own Opportunities

During rush hour the subway gets absolutely packed like a can of sardines. It is not really comfortable for anyone, but more importantly, it is totally unsafe. If you cannot reach a bar to hold onto, you could fall over. Someone who is tall enough can try and press their hand onto the ceiling of the car and hold on for dear life. This woman brilliantly hacked the system by using a two-dollar plunger to make her own handle, no matter where she stands on the subway.

Drunchies

This night, this woman was drinking especially heavily at the bar, trying to make it look like she was having a fun time, because she was there with friends that included her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend. She wanted to make it look like she was loving life, but really, all she could think about all night was when she could leave and eat pizza. She passed out and dropped the pizza, but because of the lucky placement of parchment paper, she awoke and still finished it.

Captain Of The Tickets

This man, at first look, looks like he was sure he was going to be on a big sailboat, hunting for Blackbeard. Or perhaps he was acting in a commercial as the real-life Captain Crunch. However, the truth is, this guy is a Broadway super fan, who has been trying forever to get tickets to the hit show Hamilton. Every day, he dresses up as an American Revolutionary and puts in his name to win free tickets. In case he wins, he’s already dressed for the show!

Wide-Eyed

This man had an interesting weekend on his vacation in the jungles of Papua New Guinea. As an intrepid explorer who only lives in the city, he tries to get out and participate in cultures that not many have seen before. Unfortunately, when he was participating in what he thought was a rain dance around the fire, he did not know he was actually being cursed by the medicine man. Now, he cannot get this face covering off his face without feeling sharp pain.

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